Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
