I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
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Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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