He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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