so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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