sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
