none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
