not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
