im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
