the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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