I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
