I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
