The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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