My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
