she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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