you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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