Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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