just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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