They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My vagina is very pro this idea
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
