Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
