I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
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Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
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I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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