If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
