either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he thought i was a dude.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
