Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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