so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
