Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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