i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
