So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
