Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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