the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
