It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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