I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
