Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
