never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize