I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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