I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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