I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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