K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
