Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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