Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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