When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
