my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
