I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
