I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
