happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
