Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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