Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
