turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
