He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
