I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
