dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
