plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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