I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Houston, we have a blender
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
