You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
