pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
