I cockslap morals
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
even my farts smell like vagina
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
