Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
