I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
