I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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