i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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