I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.