Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
