I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You pole danced in your parka.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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