She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.