Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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