I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
