Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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