May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
