Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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