Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
