Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
