Well apparently he's into motor boating.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
