My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
