A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
