sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
