did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
