Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
