I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
