I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
