I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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