Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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