I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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