Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
