i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
