best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
