apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
