Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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