I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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