Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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