So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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