Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
