I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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