she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
