I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
