They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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