my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
