Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
