69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
did i walk over a car last night?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
