we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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